


Truth or Dare

by zombiechick



Category: Warehouse 13
Genre: F/M, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-14
Updated: 2014-07-14
Packaged: 2018-02-08 18:37:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,819
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1951878
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zombiechick/pseuds/zombiechick
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Artifacts once owned by Madonna lead to humorous adventures in the Warehouse.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Truth or Dare

“Madonna?” Claudia asked.

“What, huh? Oh right, yeah, Madonna.” Artie said distractedly.

“Like,” Claudia mimicked someone praying while casting her eyes heavenward, “or,” she framed her face while shaking her hips. 

Artie just about spit out his coffee as he suddenly guffawed, “Uh,” he coughed, “the second one...I think.”

Claudia grinned, “Two points to Claudia for making coffee come out Artie's nose.” 

Artie scowled, “It didn't come out my nose.”

Claudia bumped the box with her foot, “So, what do we have that belongs to Madonna?”

Artie waved his hand dismissively, and returned to his computer, “Not sure exactly. Pete left the inventory sheet back at the B & B.”

“So how 'bout we just open it up and see what evil lurks in the heart of the Material Girl?”

Artie frowned, “Claudia, you know that handling artifacts without the proper...”

Claudia raised her hand in a pleading gesture, “Okay, okay. Spare me; I haven't had nearly enough caffeine to be able to withstand one of your lectures.”

Artie gave her a squinty-eyed smirk, “So, get back to your chores,” and then returned to the large pile of paperwork that littered his desk.

Claudia stuck out her tongue, and wagged her finger in a chastising manner, before returning to her list of chores. “You were meant for something a bit more glamorous than this, Claudia girl,” she mumbled to herself as she began to stalk, ninja-like, toward the Autovac. It slowly crept away from her somehow managing to look cagey in its retreat. 

++++++++++++++

Pete and Myka showed up, around an hour later, with the complete inventory list for the Madonna artifacts. Claudia eagerly began unpacking the crate as Myka read from the list. "Okay, so conical brassiere, effects unknown."

"Check," Pete answered her as he pulled out the piece of black velvet lingerie and held it up in front of him. Claudia fell to the floor laughing and Pete grinned, that having been the intended reaction.

Artie groaned and mumbled, "Like working at a daycare."

Claudia made a show of putting on a pair of purple latex gloves before diving into the box to investigate. Under the more colorful artifacts, including a set a strangely stained silk sheets ‘Is that guacamole?’ Claudia wondered, was a rather normal looking video camera. Claudia picked it up and turned it in her hands as she examined it. “This doesn’t look too dangerous,” she said as she raised it up to look through the eye cup. 

The camera instantly sprung to life and began recording. Claudia chuckled just as Myka, who had continued to read the inventory list, said, “….used in filming the infamous ‘truth or dare’ portion of the film in Madonna’s hotel room. Forces the user, and individuals present in the room to participate in a game.”

Artie roared with frustration as he glared at Claudia, “I swear you’re some kind of trouble magnet, Claudia.” 

Claudia smiled sheepishly as she found that the camera now seemed to be affixed to her hand and she could not remove her eye from the cup. “Well, truth or dare, no big deal, right?”

Artie looked over Myka’s shoulder at the inventory list and read, “Participants are forced to act out the dare, no matter how dangerous or life threatening. Also forces participants to tell the absolute truth of any question directly asked.”

There were shocked gasps in the room as the implications sunk in. Pete took over reading the description, as Artie seemed too shaken to continue. “Each player must participate in two full rounds; completing one ‘truth’ and one ‘dare’ before the camera will stop filming.” 

Claudia was glad she was behind the camera as the three glares that were simultaneously directed at her might very well have killed her. “Uh, heh heh, sorry?” she offered.

Suddenly, the three agents and Claudia felt themselves pulled toward each other. They fought it momentarily, before realizing that there was nothing they could do, and allowed the unseen force to push them into a circle, sitting Indian style on the floor. Before his butt hit the concrete floor of the office, a flash of panic could be seen on Pete’s face and he bellowed, “No sex truths!” 

The other three, now with matching panicked looks, yelled, “Agreed,” simultaneously.

“So,” Claudia asked, “how do we do this?”

“Don’t tell me you’ve never played ‘Truth or Dare’ before, Claudia,” Pete said incredulously, “seems like you’d be a pro at this.”

“Foster care, remember,” Claudia said, “kind of skipped the girly sleepover part of my childhood.” 

Pete gave her a sympathetic smile, “Sorry.”

“Well, since you’re the one holding the artifact, Claudia,” Artie said between clenched teeth, “it seems like you’re ‘it’ so you ask first.”

“Oh,” Claudia said as realization dawned. “Um…well,” she panned the camera over the three expectant faces, each agent afraid she’d pick them. Catching the warning look from Artie, she trained the camera on Myka, “So, Myka, truth or dare?”

Myka looked slightly nervous about being picked first but recovered quickly, “Dare.”

Claudia panned the camera around the office while she thought, “I say we bring out everyone's favorite haunted disco ball.” Claudia grinned as Myka groaned loudly and Artie hissed in disgust.

“Let’s get this over with,” Myka said as she began walking toward the door and the others were forced to follow her.

WH13WH13WH13WH13WH13WH13WH13WH13  
(Several hours later)

“So,” Artie started, still obviously annoyed, “now we know that…”

Pete pointed a finger dramatically to the sky in a patented Travolta move, “Myka knows how to Hustle.” He and Claudia burst out laughing. 

“And Pete knows the lyrics to every Gilbert and Sullivan musical,” Myka quipped as Pete gave her an icy glare. 

“And Claudia has never kissed a boy,” Pete said making kissy noises at the redhead. 

“And Artie has a Tweety Bird tattoo on his right…” Claudia began trying to deflect the conversation from herself. 

“No, no, no!” Artie roared as he packed up the camera and removed his gloves. “We learned that artifacts,” he rounded on Claudia and gave her a withering glance, “can be very, very, dangerous.”

“Is that what we learned?” she asked impishly. “But we learn that at least once a week.” 

Myka threw up her hands and started toward the door, “I’m heading back to the B&B,” she stated, “let us never speak of this again.”

“Well, we can pretend it never happened,” Artie agreed, “but it’s a matter of Warehouse record now; our game is officially part of the inventory.”

“You mean that thing was recording the whole time?” Claudia squeaked.

“Mm hmm,” Artie assured her, “but don’t worry. There have been twelve Warehouses before this one, and plenty of embarrassing artifacts have disappeared in the fires, explosions, implosions, demonic attacks and freak tornadoes that destroyed them.” 

“Well,” Pete said while comically wiping his brow, “that’s a relief.”

WH13WH13WH13WH13WH13WH13WH13WH13

Artie found Claudia sitting in the living room of the B&B around 11:30 that night. “What are you doing up so late?” he asked.

Claudia grunted something unintelligible, and turned away from him.

“Did you say something?” Artie asked, smiling slightly at Claudia's uncommunicative state, and sitting next to her on the loveseat. 

Once again, Claudia mumbled something and turned further away; her body was now at an obviously uncomfortable angle.

“Claudia?” Artie asked with a decidedly stern quality to his voice.

“ 'm embarrassed,” Claudia whispered.

“You're embarrassed?” Artie asked. “Embarrassed about what?”

“The camera,” she answered quietly.

Artie smiled fully and patted her awkwardly on the shoulder, “Artifacts can be tricky,” he comforted her, “but no one ended up being hurt; don’t beat yourself up about it.”

“Not embarrassed about that,” Claudia whispered, “I just feel stupid about that,” she amended, “embarrassed about what Pete asked me,” she finished quickly.

Artie’s brow furrowed as he recalled the Truth or Dare game from earlier that day, “The truth Pete asked you?” he wondered. 

“Yeah,” Claudia sighed and stared at her feet.

Realization dawned on Artie’s face, “So the, uh, kissing,” he cleared his throat loudly.

“No,” Claudia corrected him, “the lack of kissing.”

Artie straightened his glasses, and then ran his fingers through his hair, “Well, uh, Claudia that’s just, well, you know,” he coughed. “If you want a social life, you just, well,” he stopped realizing he hadn’t had anything resembling a social life in over a decade. Artie laughed suddenly, leaning back into the loveseat and wiping a hand down his face.

“You laughing at me?” Claudia asked as she glared at him.

“No,” Artie chortled, “no, not you.” He looked her full in the face and tried to regain his sobriety, “I’m laughing at myself because I’m the absolute worst person to give advice on this subject.”

Claudia smiled shyly, “Yeah you are.”

Artie patted her on the shoulder, “You want some time off so you can, uh, meet some new people?” he asked quietly. 

Claudia smiled again and shook her head, “No.”

“No?” Artie asked once again confused. “Well,” Artie began not sure where he was going with it, “in life, Claudia, if you need something, sometimes you just have to,” he shrugged, “you know.”

“Yeah, I do,” she smiled.

“You do?” he asked, surprised that his advice was helpful.

“Mmm hmm,” Claudia answered. 

Artie gasped in surprise when Claudia threw her leg over him so that she could sit full in his lap. He felt like a deer caught in headlights as he watched her bring her hands to his face to slowly trail over his goatee and up his cheeks, sinking her fingers into his curls. Artie worked his mouth silently, like a fish, as Claudia's thumbs trailed over his eyebrows; she smiled softly all the while. 

He watched as Claudia moved closer to him, her eyes trained on his mouth, and sighed quietly as her lips made contact with his own. Artie's hands hung limply at his sides while Claudia made a slow exploration, lightly trailing her tongue over his lips. Artie could feel her impish grin against his mouth before she pressed harder to deepen the kiss. He groaned low in his throat, and squeezed his eyes shut tight, as her tongue made a thorough investigation of his mouth.

Artie's hands jumped spasmodically when Claudia ended the kiss with a slow circular grind of her jean clad backside against his lap. She pulled back, and Artie slowly opened his eyes to find her laughing gaze trained on his face. “Wha, what was that?” he panted.

Claudia chuckled as she caught her breath, “A kiss,” she stated.

“Oh, uh, yeah,” Artie responded.

“Well,” Claudia murmured and then climbed out of Artie's lap and stood up while straightening her t-shirt, “night.”

“Yeah,” Artie said, his mouth still hanging open in shock, his eyes wide with surprise, “night.” It would be a full thirty minutes before Agent Arthur Nielsen was able to move from the loveseat. 

THE END


End file.
